In the book “The Meaning Of Addiction” by Stanton Peele (you can read his Psychology Today posts here) he makes the following statement about addiction: “The difference between not being addicted and being addicted is the difference between seeing the world as your arena and seeing the world as your prison.” As someone who has worked in the field of addiction for decades I revered this quote. I purport however, that this sentiment is more universal.
Many people feel trapped by aspects of their life: trapped in an unhappy relationship, at an unfulfilling job, or generally unhappy with their life despite their basic needs being met. The quest for the American dream has left them wanting, and more so, they are tied to ideas that are not providing happiness. As Shawn Achor points out in his excellent discussion of positive psychology on TED, our current model for happiness is to work harder, have success, and then happiness will ensue. But as Dr. Achor points out, this is a broken model; once success is achieved the bar is pushed further. Happiness is never achieved because, “if happiness is on the other side of success, your brain never gets there.” (You can watch his talk here).
In this culture, success is recognized through several structures. The most prominent feature is income. Money buys the things that denote success: bigger houses, more luxurious cars, trips, electronic toys, jewelry, and anything that makes others look on in envy. Another feature of success is status, especially in one’s career.
In the attempt to have success in order to bring happiness (which is only momentarily captured as the goal keeps moving) people become trapped in their life. In addition to always trying to accomplish more, the accumulation of status related things leads to being controlled by them. Many people feel overwhelmed with responsibilities. When inquired if they can let some of the responsibilities go, the answer is nearly always a resounding “No!” This is then followed by explanation after explanation about how these responsibilities related to status are essential to their life. The individual is not experiencing happiness despite their attempts to achieve it by having more success, and thereby, more possessions and activities that denote success.
You can read the rest of the post on Psychology Today here.
It transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology;
it covers both the natural and the spiritual,
and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things,
natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity."
This is my latest post for Psychology Today, about how perspective can be overcome to create a happier life.
“We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.”
