zen everyman

Ask me anything   Just another website trying to save the world one post at a time.

Love this. Saw it on Facebook

Love this. Saw it on Facebook

— 1 month ago with 4 notes
Russell Brand: Robin Williams’ divine madness will no longer disrupt the sadness of the world →

"We sort of accept that the price for that free-flowing, fast-paced, inexplicable comic genius is a counterweight of solitary misery. That there is an invisible inner economy that demands a high price for breathtaking talent. For me genius is defined by that irrationality; how can he talk like that? Play like that? Kick a ball like that? A talent that was not sculpted and schooled, educated and polished but bursts through the portal, raw and vulgar. Always mischievous, always on the brink of going wrong, dangerous and fun, like drugs.

Robin Williams could have tapped anyone in the western world on the shoulder and told them he felt down and they would have told him not to worry, that he was great, that they loved him. He must have known that. He must have known his wife and kids loved him, that his mates all thought he was great, that millions of strangers the world over held him in their hearts, a hilarious stranger that we could rely on to anarchically interrupt, the all-encompassing sadness of the world. Today Robin Williams is part of the sad narrative that we used to turn to him to disrupt.

What platitudes then can we fling along with the listless, insufficient wreaths at the stillness that was once so animated and wired, the silence where the laughter was? That fame and accolades are no defence against mental illness and addiction? That we live in a world that has become so negligent of human values that our brightest lights are extinguishing themselves? That we must be more vigilant, more aware, more grateful, more mindful? That we can’t tarnish this tiny slice of awareness that we share on this sphere amidst the infinite blackness with conflict and hate?

That we must reach inward and outward to the light that is inside all of us? That all around us people are suffering behind masks less interesting than the one Robin Williams wore? Do you have time to tune in to Fox News, to cement your angry views to calcify the certain misery?

What I might do is watch Mrs Doubtfire. Or Dead Poets Society or Good Will Hunting and I might be nice to people, mindful today how fragile we all are, how delicate we are, even when fizzing with divine madness that seems like it will never expire.”

(Source: psychotherapy)

— 1 month ago with 329 notes
From Addicted to Loving

My last two posts dealt with sex addiction and love addiction, respectively. Though I touched on codependence in the latter, this post will further delve into a “romantic” addiction to an individual, often called codependence, and will answer the question, “if you determine you are addicted to a person, can you make the relationship a healthy one?” It is the third and final post in this trilogy of what might be called intimacy addiction.

“She’s the worst thing I’ve been addicted to” is part of a chorus from the Black Keys song, “Run Right Back”. I am certain this isn’t the only song that glorifies an addiction to an individual. If you agree with my last post, you’d likely posit nearly all songs about love are really about addiction to an individual. Psychology Today’s Stanton Peele, who wrote, “Love as an Addiction”, has a post called, “The Greatest Love Addiction Songs of All Time”. It seems evident many agree that people can be addicted to another person.

Many prefer addiction to a healthy love. Being addicted to someone is intense. How else would so many songs about it become so popular? Some believe addiction is what “true love” is. For them, a relationship without the intensity is like loving without being, “in love”. The love then becomes more like siblings.

It is sometimes difficult to differentiate between love addiction and being addicted to an individual. Whether one is codependent (which in this post is used to refer to an addiction to an individual) or addicted to love depends on the circumstances. Is there a string of short-term intense relations? That would be love addiction. When the feeling loses its intensity, does the person leave the relationship? Again, this is love addiction. In codependency, a person is the object of addiction, rather than the feelings. Often with the codependent, the intensity remains a part of the relationship, or the codependent perpetuates the intensity through drama, as a result of his or her addiction to the individual.

In fact, codependency and love addiction are likely two sides of the same coin. Most addictions are the same enemy with a different face. Insecurity abounds in addiction. No matter what someone is addicted to, they fear its loss. The heroin addict can’t imagine life without a substance to either numb or uplift his spirits. The alcoholic, gambler, or sex addict is the same; giving up the addiction seems unfathomable. Life without an object one “depends” on (be it a substance, a behavior, or in the case of this post a person) is threatening. Whatever someone is addicted to, the individual counts on it, excessively and to the point of dysfunction, to cope with life.

Read the rest on Psychology Today here.

— 1 month ago with 2 notes
Got this from Facebook, Momastery

Got this from Facebook, Momastery

— 2 months ago with 8 notes
You’re Not In Love; You’re Addicted.

My last post focused on sex addiction. An addiction closely related with sex addiction is “love” addiction. Love is in quotes, as those who are addicted are usually not referring to actual healthy love. Sex and love addiction are so commonly bonded that there is a 12-step support group for the combination: Sexand Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). Both love addiction and sex addiction are often viewed as disorders of intimacy.

“What the world generally refers to as love is an intense emotionality combining physical attraction, possessiveness, control, addiction, eroticism, and novelty.” This quote, from David R. Hawkins (pg71) calls out everyone. It challenges the reader on what they describe as love. But perhaps Psychology Today’s own Stanton Peele said it better: “We often say ‘love’ when we really mean, and are acting out, an addiction-a sterile, ingrown dependency relationship, with another person serving as the object of our need for security.” (Love and Addiction, pg.13). Perhaps, as the above quotes suggest, love is much more commonly an addiction than believed.

When someone is addicted to love, this person develops an unhealthyattachment to the passion and enthrallment of the beginning of a relationship. The individual may have a long history of short romantic relationships; ending the relationship when or shortly after the excitement dwindles. This results in ever increasing negative consequences in the individual’s life.

Another way someone can exhibit problematic behavior in regard to love is being addicted to an individual. Although the term codependency is overused, true codependency is an unhealthy attachment to another. Although this can happen with any relationship (mother /child is a common dynamic in codependent relationships), it is most common as a partner dynamic. In a codependent relationship one partner (or perhaps both) depend on the other for his or her positive emotions.

Many who have these types of addiction may never notice it. Their codependency or their short-lived relationships are accepted as normal. If the above authors are correct, many people who suffer from love addiction are completely unaware, and actually believe what they experience is normal and healthy.

You can read the rest here.

— 2 months ago with 7 notes
Was a Zen Master A Sex Addict?

In the book, “Zen Sex: The Way of Making Love”, Philip Toshio Sudo introduces many to Zen master Ikkyu Sojun, who lived 1394-1481. According to the text, Ikkyu was known to frequent brothels and bars (Sudo, 2000). These quotes by Ikkyu, “This lust my ceaseless koan” (pg.13) and “I dream of a girl’s boudoir, that’s my nature” (pg.14) illustrate his defiance of traditional Zen tenets with his passion for sex.  An argument could be made that Master Ikkyu had a sexual addiction.

Sexual addiction is a controversial topic. Many view it as nothing more than an excuse for (most often men’s) infidelity. Many do not believe it is an actual disorder. Of course, some do not believe in any addiction. But sexual addiction is especially prone to disbelief. To complicate matters, the American Psychiatric Association, in its publication the “DSM 5”, does not list it as a disorder.

Those that do believe in sexual addiction prefer the term hypersexuality disorder. According to the National Association of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, approximately three to six percent of the population suffers from some form of sex addiction (Berry, Ramnath; 2014). There are a number of treatment centers for sexual addiction, and several self-helpsupport groups that assist people who believe they have an addiction to sex.

You can read the rest here.

— 3 months ago with 2 notes
"

The highest truth cannot be put into words.

Therefore the greatest teacher has nothing to say.

He simply gives himself in service, and never worries.

"

-Lao Tzu

(via theilluminatedminds)

(via tao-te-ching)

— 3 months ago with 143 notes
Why Don't You Want To Feel Better? →

In his book, “Be Here Now”, Ram Dass indicates we seek the secrets of the east, or mysticism, yet they are not hidden. They’ve been in plain view forever. Yet people continue to search, as if the answers are hidden. The same could be said of the secrets to happiness (one might actually contend they are one and the same). Even when the road to peace and happiness has been paved in front of them through research and experiments, people continue to suffer. Ram Dass says clearly, “The secret is a secret to you because of where your head is at” (1971). The goal of this post is to help you understand the obstacles to change, and to alter where your “head” is.

Studies show there are many behavioral strategies that lead to more enjoyment in life, more peace, more happiness, more well being. Exercise is demonstrated to release chemicals in thebrain that contribute to confidence, a sense of well being, and even euphoria (not to mention the physiological health benefits) yet many remain sedentary. Meditation has been proven as effective as antidepressants for staving off relapse of depression, creating a calm and peace in life, and combating stress but few meditate. Focusing on the positive in life, through living in gratitude and journaling positive events, as well as sitting with the positive feeling, is indicated to increase levels of happiness in studies. (Achor, 2011; Hansen, 2009). Yet many, who have enough food, who live a relatively financially comfortable life, who have survival needs met, who are physically healthy or reasonably so, suffer psychologically.

You can red the rest at the link above.

— 4 months ago with 2 notes